Took my heart for granted, ran it straight into the planet.

So, i'm done with facebook. like deactivated account and everything. It's causing nothing but trouble now-a-days. I also know I'm not gonna wanna have it when the Ex starts putting up pictures of him and new girls. Ick. Thought makes me sick already. Break ups ALWAYS suck. This one in particular. It feels like my heart was ripped out and stomped on. Over, and Over and Over. Man, I've had heartbreaks before but this one is more like a bullet to the heart. I was so stupid, and didn't see what was coming.

I hate serious relationships anyway. I can't believe I let myself get into another one. Terrible Mistake. It's an inevitable heartbreak, that I don't want any part of.  Especially with Tyler, He was a huge risk from the beginning. Should have known better. How can your mind tell you everything's perfect, and find out it's not. The fact that I couldn't even fix it is what kills me. I wanted to be everything. I wanted to be perfect, everything he could have asked for. He was still unhappy.

Then I ended up lashing out, cutting him down. Telling him terrible things that weren't true. But I wanted him to feel how I felt all the time, he'd lash out on me and I wouldn't say anything, I would just apologize, or try and explain myself. When do you realize you deserve better. I need that one person who will treat me like they couldn't lose me. He used to do that. He used to tell me not to leave, not to hurt him. I promised him I wouldnt, and I kept my promise. He left, he hurt me. I know sometimes people in relationships get through times when it just isn't working. I try and work through those. Cause I know it always gets better. But some people can't do that. They give up.

There are so many thoughts in my head, so many tears in my eyes. Everything just hurts. I miss laying in bed with him, he just held me and whispered to me about everything. He was the only guaranteed way to get to sleep. To know that this is finally, is what is killing me.

I know I'll probably run into him next year. we will be living two blocks away from each other in Mankato. Maybe things will get fixed, maybe we will both have grown up.  I don't know. Now i just want to fall into a deep sleep.